“No Believing Man should hate a Believing Women….” Sh. al-‘Uthaymeen

In the name of Allaah, The Most High, and may peace and blessings be upon His last and final Messenger, his family and companions, as for what follows:

On the authority of Abee Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, said:

The Messenger of Allaah, sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, said: “No believing man should hate a believing women. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” [Muslim:1469]

Sheikh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah have mercy upon him, says in his explanation of this hadeeth in Riyaadus Saaliheen:

The author, may Allaah have mercy upon him, mentions the hadeeth of Abee Hurayrah, may Alaah be pleased with him, (that was just mentioned previously). The word al-Fark means hatred and anomosity. Meaning: A believing man should not have hatred or anomosity towards a believing woman like his wife.

He shouldn’t have aversion or detestation towards her if he see’s something from her that he dislikes from manners. That is because a person must carry out justice and deal with the people with that which their situations neccessitates. Justice is to weigh between the good and the bad and examine which of the two is greater and occurs more frequent. So he gives supremacy to that which occurs more often and has the most impact. This is certainly justice.

Allaah says: O you who believe! Stand out firmly for Allaah as just witnesses and let not the enmity and hatred of others make you avoid justice. Be just! that is nearer to piety, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is well-aqquainted with what you do. 5:8

Meaning do not let your abhorrence for them cause you to be unjust. Be just even if you hate them.

Due to this, when the Prophet, sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, sent ‘Abdullaah ibn Rawaahah to the people of Khaybar so that he could estimate the fruits of their date palms. Because the Prophet, sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, would do buisness with the people of Khaybar. When he conquered it, they would mend to the date palms, farm and so forth and they would recieve half the profit.

So the Prophet, sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, would send people to them to get estimates of the fruits. So he, sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, sent ‘Abdullaah ibn Rawaahah and so ‘Abdullaah said to them: “Oh assembly of Jews! You are the most digusting of the creation to me. You killed the prophets of Allaah, ‘azza wa jall, and you have lied upon Him.

However I will not allow my malice for you make me deal unjustly towards you. I have estimated twenty-thousand dates. So if you wish you can have them or I will keep them. They (i.e. Jews) said: With this, the heavens and the earth have been erected, i.e. with justice.”

The shaahid (point of reference) is the Messenger, sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, commanded that a person must judge with equity and fairness. He said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman.”

Meaning, he shouldn’t abhord her due to her manners. If he dislikes a trait from her he will be pleased with another trait.

If she behaves nasty to you once when responding to you for example, however she was nice to you many times prior. She acted inappropiate one night, but she has been nice to you many other nights. She misbehaved in (her) dealings with the kids one day, but she has done tons of good and so forth.

Therefore if your wife mistreats you, don’t look at the mistreatment at the present time. Rather look at the past and the present and then judge with equity.

Although the Prophet, sallaahu ‘alayhi wasallam, mentioned this about the woman, it is applicable in other than her, from those who you have transactions with or friendship, etc. If (that person) mistreats you one day out of the year, don’t forget about all his good towards you all the other times and compare between the two.

So, if the good treatment outweighs the misconduct then the ruling goes to the good treatment. But, if the mistreatment outweighs the goodness then look and see if he/she is deserving of pardoning, (if so) pardon him/her. And whoever pardons and reconciles then his reward is with Allaah.

If that individual isn’t worthy of pardon then take your haqq (right) and you are not at fault for doing so. However look at the beneift.

In summary, it is befitting for a person that he treats those who between him and them there is some kind of relationship like his spouse, friend, business transactions and so on, to deal with them with ‘adl (justice/equity).

If he dislikes from that person something, or he mistreats you once (or twice), then look at the other good times so that you can compare between the two matters.

For indeed, this is the fairness that Allaah and His messenger have ordered with just as Allaah, The Most High, says: Verily, Allah enjoins al-‘Adl (i.e. justice) and al-Ihsan [i.e. to be patient in performing your duties to Allah,] and giving (help) to kith and kin and forbids al-Fahshaa’ (i.e all evil deeds), and al-Munkar (i.e all that is prohibited by Islaamic law), and al-Baghy (i.e. all kinds of oppression), He admonishes you, that you may take heed. 16:90

Source: http://www.ibnothaimeen.com/all/books/article_18180.shtml

Translated by:

Abu Fouzaan Qaasim

Islaamic University of Medinah

Al-Medinah An-Nabawiyyah, KSA

Dhul-Qi’dah 4,1432-October 2,2011

About Abu Fouzaan Qaasim
American student studying in the Islaamic University of Medinah from Chester,PA.

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